Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Hanging it up...

I am not sure how many times I have had to tell myself it is better to be kind than to be right in the last 9 months. My character has been challenged to its roots and I have seen some very ugly sides of people, people that I believed I knew well. I have been proven wrong and been smacked in the face with the unfortunate realization it is better to expect nothing, than to expect anything at all.
Although disappointed and exhausted, I have hung up the heavy coat of expectations, anger and resentment. I no longer have any expectations, I am no longer angry and I no longer resent. As comforting as it would be to keep wearing that coat, I am finding that it no longer fits me and my back hurts from the heaviness. I have grown out of its comfort. The comfort of staying angry at someone and only remembering the moments which took me to the point of no return. I can no longer carry the weight it has placed on my back, I realize it is only weighing me down, and the people that have given me the love and faith I have needed are being dragged down right along with me. Undeserving of it to say the least.
There is no need to be vengeful or for ill wishes. None of us are born to teach others lessons by force. Life will do it for us and we can only hope someone's fall will not be as hard as our own. Even if they were the cause of ours. It is still better to be kind than to be right, and to stop drinking that poison of resentment hoping your enemy, instead of you, will get sick from it. It is still wiser to know what people do to you is their karma and how you react is yours. Finally, it is better to be naked than to be clothed by the people you allow to anger, disappoint and hurt you.
Clothe yourself, shift your focus on the love that has kept you and wish life will be kind to those that have not been so kind to it.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Self Love


"Self-love seems so often unrequited." ~ Anthony Powell

When you sit alone and think about your life, are you proud of yourself? Are you content with the decisions you have made which has paved the path you are on? Can you look in the mirror and say with conviction and truth " I LOVE ME!"? My hope for you is that you have answered yes to all of these questions. For those of us who have answered no, it is time we learn the art of self love.

"To tell the truth is to become beautiful, to begin to love yourself, value yourself..." ~ June Jordan

Accept yourself as you are above all else. Acceptance is recognizing your imperfections make you perfect. It is being honest with yourself about who you truly are. Self acceptance does not mean there is no chance for improvement, it is actually stepping into reality and using it as the stepping stone towards what you would like to be, towards change. Accept yourself, embrace your imperfections and take the first step towards your desired chosen path.


"If you must love your neighbor as yourself, it is at least as fair to love yourself as your neighbor." ~ Nicholas de Chamfort


Accept others as they are. Recognizing your imperfections make you perfect, will also make you realize others' imperfections make them perfect as well. The best way to nurture and love ourselves as we are, is to nurture and love our neighbors as they are. If you want love, give love to yourself, and then to others. "Be the change you wish to see in the world." ~Mahatma Gandhi

 "Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers." ~ Veronica A. Shoffstall

Plant your roses and take the time to smell them. Take care of your garden, water the grass and walk in it barefoot. Enjoy the way the dirt feels in your hands and what has come out of accepting that dirt serves a greater purpose than to just smudge our character. It is used to make beautiful flowers, trees, and grass grow. No other person will be able to take better care of your garden or appreciate the unconditional love put into it better than you. It's time, love yourself.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Have the Courage to Walk alone-my post on PurposeFairy.com



The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before. ~ Albert Einstein
This is one of my very favorite quotes. It celebrates individuality and embraces the idea that in order to live, we must not follow, but lead ourselves.
So often we all fall into the assumptions life should be lived according to what our religions, traditions or learned moral values teach us. The comfort of knowing what is expected drives most to live a predictable life. We all get into a routine and when we begin to wonder where life went, we are old and gray, regretting all the things we did not do. Many of us day dream about things we are only brave enough to do in our imagination and when it comes to taking that first step to putting that dream to work, we doubt ourselves.
We doubt because we allow fear to question our commitment to the crowd; we allow fear to convince us we will be scolded and shunned for taking that first step to walk alone; we assume traditions and moral values are beliefs which cannot be bent or edited to become our own version.
Whatever is done for love always occurs beyond good and evil. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
When you are struggling with taking that first step to walk alone, ask yourself if that step is done for LOVE. LOVE for yourself and LOVE for LIFE. Often times we allow ourselves to stay stuck in a bad, miserable or unhealthy situation because we are afraid of the backlash we may get from the crowd if we decide to leave. If you live your LIFE with LOVE as your main driver, you will only reciprocate that energy and more will come right back to you.
There are old heads in the world who cannot help me by their example or advice to live worthily and satisfactorily to myself; but I believe that it is in my power to elevate myself this very hour above the common level of my life. ~ Henry David Thoreau
In a crowd, people are like each other and strive to be so. Walking alone, your example is yourself. You learn to be better than you were yesterday and realize dictating your own life is more beneficial than using someone else as your example to be like. Many influential people in the world walked alone, they realized their potential was only limited when they compared themselves to someone else.
It’s not what you are that holds you back, It’s what you think you’re not. ~ Denis Waitley




http://www.purposefairy.com/6696/have-the-courage-to-walk-alone/

Monday, July 30, 2012

Joy Thieves

I am a private person when it comes to things that are happening in my life. I will only spill the beans if I know people are speculating. Otherwise, I will keep things to myself. One main reason is because I do not believe most people can genuinely be happy for one another. If they appear to be in your face, they are usually going behind your back bashing whatever you are happy about. Joy Thieves.
Although disappointing, I am learning people project their own morality or traditions when they are sharing or not sharing joy with someone. We cannot expect people to be happy for us if their traditions or moral values are on the other side of spectrum of ours. For example, gay marriage. A gay couple may be ecstatic about getting married and hope that everyone else will share that joy with them, we all know not everyone feels that gay marriage is appropriate and are not going to share that joy. They will bash the idea and throw God, Jesus, the bible, hell and whatever else they can find on that couple. Joy Thieves. Another example, someone has been working very hard on getting a promotion at work. They are well deserving of it once they get it; however, coworkers start talking negatively about this person out of jealousy and make things very uncomfortable for the employee who got the promotion. Joy thieves.
It happens all of the time and as unfortunate as it seems, we all have to learn to keep the good news to ourselves and to accept, that when the good news is told, not everyone will share our joy. Just don't allow for them to steal yours.
Salvador Dali's The 3 Sphinxes



Friday, July 27, 2012

25 reasons to embrace criticism


25 reasons to embrace criticism
Personal Growth
1. Looking for seeds of truth in criticism encourages humility. It’s not easy to take an honest look at yourself and your weaknesses, but you can only grow if you’re willing to try.
2. Learning from criticism allows you to improve. Almost every critique gives you a tool to more effectively create the tomorrow you visualize.
3. Criticism opens you up to new perspectives and new ideas you may not have considered. Whenever someone challenges you, they help expand your thinking.
4. Your critics give you an opportunity to practice active listening. This means you resist the urge to analyze in your head, planning your rebuttal, and simply consider what the other person is saying.
5. You have the chance to practice forgiveness when you come up against harsh critics. Most of us carry around stress and frustration that we unintentionally misdirect from time to time.
Emotional Benefits
6. It’s helpful to learn how to sit with the discomfort of an initial emotional reaction instead of immediately acting or retaliating. All too often we want to do something with our feelings—generally not a great idea!
7. Criticism gives you the chance to foster problem solving skills, which isn’t always easy when you’re feeling sensitive, self-critical, or annoyed with your critic.
8. Receiving criticism that hits a sensitive spot helps you explore unresolved issues. Maybe you’re sensitive about your intelligence because you’re holding onto something someone said to you years ago—something you need to release.
9. Interpreting someone else’s feedback is an opportunity for rational thinking—sometimes, despite a negative tone, criticism is incredibly useful.
10. Criticism encourages you to question your instinctive associations and feelings; praise is good, criticism is bad. If we recondition ourselves to see things in less black and white terms, there’s no stop to how far we can go!
Improved Relationships
11. Criticism presents an opportunity to choose peace over conflict. Oftentimes, when criticized our instinct is to fight, creating unnecessary drama. The people around us generally want to help us, not judge us.
12. Fielding criticism well helps you mitigate the need to be right. Nothing closes an open mind like ego—bad for your personal growth, and damaging for relationships.
13. Your critics give you an opportunity to challenge any people-pleasing tendencies. Relationships based on a constant need for approval can be draining for everyone involved. It’s liberating to let people think whatever they want—they’re going to do it anyway.
14. Criticism gives you the chance to teach people how to treat you. If someone delivers it poorly, you can take this opportunity to tell them, “I think you make some valid points, but I would receive them better if you didn’t raise your voice.”
15. Certain pieces of criticism teach you not to sweat the small stuff. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter that your boyfriend thinks you load the dishwasher “wrong.”

Time Efficiency
16. The more time you spend dwelling about what someone said, the less time you have to do something with it.
17. If you improve how you operate after receiving criticism, this will save time and energy in the future. When you think about from that perspective—criticism as a time saver—it’s hard not to appreciate it!
18. Fostering the ability to let go of your feelings and thoughts about being critiqued can help you let go in other areas of your life. Letting go of worries, regrets, stresses, fears, and even positive feelings helps you root yourself in the present moment. Mindfulness is always the most efficient use of time.
19. Criticism reinforces the power of personal space. Taking 10 minutes to process your emotions, perhaps by writing in a journal, will ensure you respond well. And responding the well the first time prevents one critical comment from dominating your day.
20. In some cases, criticism teaches you how to interact with a person, if they’re negative or hostile, for example. Knowing this can save you a lot of time and stress in the future.

Self Confidence
21. Learning to receive false criticism—feedback that has no constructive value—without losing your confidence is a must if you want to do big things in life. The more attention your work receives, the more criticism you’ll have to field.
22. When someone criticizes you, it shines a light on your own insecurities. If you secretly agree that you’re lazy, you should get to the root of that. Why do you believe that—and what can you do about it?
23. Learning to move forward after criticism, even if you don’t feel incredibly confident, ensures no isolated comment prevents you from seizing your dreams. Think of it as separating the wheat from the chaff; takes what’s useful, leave the rest, and keep going!
24. When someone else appraises your harshly, you have an opportunity to monitor your internal self-talk. Research indicates up to 80% of our thoughts are negative. Take this opportunity to monitor and change your thought processes so you don’t drain and sabotage yourself!
25. Receiving feedback well reminds you it’s OK to have flaws—imperfection is part of being human. If you can admit weakness and work on them without getting down on yourself, you’ll experience far more happiness, peace, enjoyment, and success.
We are all perfectly imperfect, and other people may notice that from time to time. We may even notice in it each other.

copied from http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-criticism-well-25-reasons-to-embrace-it/


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Whose life are you living?

Once in a while, I have several days of heavy self reflection. I tend to retreat from the world and analyze every thought that flows through my mind. I take the time to be honest with myself and confess to the person I truly am what I want out of my life. With the many changes I have had the pleasure of experiencing this past year, I have learned a lot about myself and have become less tolerant of the thoughts, things and people who I feel no longer serve the betterment of me. I have also come to realize I continuously seek everybody else's approval before confirming my own. Do they really have the answers I need for my life? Not exactly. After all, whose life am I living? Mine or theirs? I value advice and often ask my closest confidants for them; however, the journey I am on is mine and mine alone.I am fully aware that every decision I make is guaranteed to affect at least one person in my life, and with that awareness, I am learning to trust myself and make every decision out of love and not anger or fear. I can honestly say the decisions I have made out of love since January 1st, 2012 have made me feel more in-tune with what I desire out of life. It has provided me with a clear picture of what I want my reflective end to look like and it has validated the trust I have in myself. It has quieted the negative audience members and it has welcomed in the ones who can see and appreciate my growth. There are still many things I am working on to ensure I am living MY life and not a life that is approved by everyone else. Reflecting back, that first step was the most difficult and I would be lying if I said I have not had some challenging stretches, but that first step was worth it and with every challenge I have picked up a lesson from it, added to my lessons learned and will continue to apply to the life that I am living...which is mine.

Painting by Jose Roosevelt

Friday, July 6, 2012

Baggage

"Our baggage is only as heavy as we pack it. So pack light, for you will not be able to enjoy the journey if what you carry is weighing you down..." ~10LE


During our journey, we collect many things. We pack it all into our suitcases and carry it around with us. If one were to open our baggage, one would find our memories, our pains, our joys, our resentments, our loves, our hates, our secrets, our fears, our worries and our dreams. The heaviest items are the ones that are folded and packed with sadness, fears, anger, worry and resentment. The lightest items are the ones that are folded and packed with love, joys, compassion and our dreams. It seems to me most people pack the heavier things and only make small room for the lighter items. We then wonder why life is so difficult. Why we always feel weighed down. Why we have problems that never seem to go away. Why we have animosity with people. Why love never finds us. Why we sabotage ourselves. Open your suitcase and check your inventory. What are you carrying around? If it is the heavier things, unpack; Donate it to forgiveness, letting go and God. The souvenirs you take from your journey should be the ones you can admire with understanding, acceptance and learning. Fill your suitcase with the lighter things and allow it to carry YOU.

Painting by Jose Roosevelt